It's Normal!
by McGinty's331
Summary: Ray and Debra find out a little secret from Michael, but Marie overhears and the whole gang gets in on the argument. Can this be the end of Marie?


**EVERYBODY**

**LOVES**

**RAYMOND**

_A/N: Just a rough draft of the new Ray episode I'm working on. There'll probably be changes to it later on and I just want to see if the readers will enjoy this one as much as 'Trip to the Dentist'. Reviews most highly regarded. Thanks and Enjoy!

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**"IT'S NORMAL"**

Ray walked into the kitchen as Debra talked on the phone.

"Hey, schnickle fritz!" Ray put his bag to the side and tried to hug Debra, but she pushed him away.

"Hello to you, too!" Ray sat down.

"Uh-uh, yes, I see." Debra muttered into the phone. "Okay... I'll talk to him about it. And thank you very much for the phone call." Debra put the phone down, and place her hands on her hips.

"I just a call from the principal concerning Michael." Debra told Ray.

"He ate too many hoagies again?" Ray asked.

"Nope. It seems as though Michael has been going to the bathroom a lot lately."

Ray looked at Debra in confusion.

"Don't worry about that. I always had to go when I was in school. The spelling B's got to me."  
"No, Ray. Not like that."

"He's constipated?" Ray asked.

"What? No!"

"Then what?"

"Certain magazines, bathroom."

"So then he must be constipated!" Ray replied.

"No! No! What teenage boys do when their teenagers."

"I always used to take golf magazines into the bathroom."

"He does the you know..." Debra pointed at Ray's crotch.

"Oh!" Ray had finally gotten the gist of the subject. "Already?"

"Yeah! I know! One of Michael's teachers found a certain magazine in his book bag."

"Wow!"

"Yeah!"

"I knew I had a magazine missing!"

Debra stared at Ray. Ray smiled uneasily.

"Just kidding!"

"Well, I think we should talk to him about it."

"Yeah, yeah. Good luck with that!" Ray started to walk out of the kitchen..

"Ray!" Debra yelled.

Ray stopped, then tip-toed back into the kitchen.

"We should both just sit down and talk to him about it."

"How about after dinner?" Ray asked.

"How about now!"

"Uh, I guess."

Debra went into the living room and called down Michael.

* * *

Meanwhile, over at Marie and Frank's house, Robert was showing the gang a new device he had gotten from work.

"What is it?" Frank asked.

"It's 'Bionic Ear'!" Robert smiled.

"What?" Marie asked.

"You aim it at the subject, and you can hear their conversation from over 1000 feet!" Robert smiled.

"Why would you want that?" Marie asked.

"Listening to conversations! Debra!" Robert replied.

"Ohhh!" Marie clapped her hands. "How does it work?"

"You just put on the headset and point it at your target." Robert gave the set to Marie.

"A 'Bionic Ear', huh? I'm trying to get 'Deaf Ear' so I don't have to listen to Bionic Mouth!" Frank pointed at Marie.

Marie put the set on and pointed the gadget toward Ray's house, she started to hear conversation.

* * *

"Now, listen Michael. We've heard that you've been doing some things at school." Ray started off.

"Would you like to talk about it?" Debra asked.

* * *

Marie was listening in.

"What's going on?" Amy asked.

"Trouble with Michael." Marie replied.

"What kind of trouble?" Robert asked.

* * *

"We know about the magazines." Debra told Michael.

"The one's from 'Penthouse'." Ray added.

* * *

"Penthouse!" Marie yelled.

"Where?" Frank looked around.

"What?" Amy asked.

"Penthouse magazines! Michael looks at those filthy things!" Marie replied then threw off the headset and ran across the street.

Marie ran into the kitchen and embraced Michael.

"How dare you let Michael here look at those filthy magazines!" Marie yelled.

"What?" Debra asked. "How'd she?"

"Bionic Ear." Robert answered as he walked into the kitchen.

"Why would you let Michael have those filthy things?" Marie asked.

"Could I get a couple?" Frank asked.

"Shut it Frank! This is important! Now, why?" Marie asked.

"He must have gotten it from the garage." Ray replied.

Frank ran into the garage.

"But... but why would you have those, and what's he doing with them?" Marie asked.

"Well, he is a teenager now and he is becoming older and more curious about things..." Debra tried to explain.

"So? You still don't let him rummage through naked women. I remember when parents cared about their children! I remember taking Raymond out of that filthy sex ed class!"

"What?" Ray asked.

"You didn't need to learn that, you were too young!"

"Young? I was seventeen!" Ray yelled.

"So?" Marie embraced Ray.

Frank came back into the kitchen while flipping through a magazine.

"God Frank." Debra responded.

"What is Michael doing with those things?" Marie asked.

"It's obvious! He's getting his groove on!" Frank laughed.

"What?" Marie asked.

"No dad!" Ray yelled.

"He's walking the dog!" Frank laughed again.

"Oh my god!" Marie was in shock.

"Good for him!" Frank smiled and flipped the page.

"Stop it Frank!" Marie yelled.

"Marie, don't worry. It's normal and natural for teenage boys to do that." Debra told Marie.

"Normal? How is it normal? They're supposed to wait for their marriage night to do such things! And with a woman!" Marie replied.

"It's normal Marie! Right Ray? Tell your mother that it's normal and natural." Debra waits for Ray to answer, he doesn't because Marie is staring at him at full throttle. "Ray?"

"Um...hi." Ray replied and lightly waved his hand to everyone.

"Ray! Tell your mother!" Debra demanded.

"I have no clue what you guys are even talking about!" Ray yelled.

"You know, doing the old wappalazoo on yourself!" Frank laughed.

"What?" Robert asked.

"It's what you mostly do all the time since you don't have a girl!" Frank added.

"Frank...I'm right here!" Amy told Frank.

"Oh, sorry toots. I meant before he had a girl!"

"Raymond would never do such a nasty and perverted thing, would you Raymond?" Marie asked. Ray put his hands in his pockets and looked up at the ceiling while being unsure of himself.

"Raymond?" Marie asked.

"Well..." Ray replied.

"Oh my god! He has!" Marie yelled as she ran around the living room.

"Why don't you tell your mother about the Farrah Faucett poster." Debra added.

"My poor Raymond!" Marie cried. "Where did you learn such a horrible thing from?" Marie stopped to look at Frank scratching his crotch.

"You! You taught him that nasty habit!" Marie yelled at Frank.

"Me? I never taught him that. I may have taught him a few pointers on making the lady feel good in bed, but I never taught him that!"

"Well I don't know how he learned about that, but it's dirty, disgusting, and inhumane!" Marie yelled.

"No it's not Marie." Debra said.

"Yes it is! And when I get home, down goes that poster! I will not have sexy women ruin my Raymond!" Marie hugged Ray.

"Anyway, I'm glad that you had self-control and only did it once because you knew it was a dirty thing!" Marie told Ray.

"Once? I caught him doing it mostly every day!" Frank responded. When Marie heard this, she pushed away Ray and put her hand on her heart.

"Oh! My heart!" Marie yelled in pain. Frank saw what was going on, and pushed it somemore.

"Robert did it, too!" Frank yelled.

"What? No I did not! I never knew about any of that!" Robert yelled.

"You don't have to lie to me Robbie. Even, I didn't expect much from you anyway. You were always a dirty boy and always had your hand down your pants." Marie replied.

"What?" Robert asked.

"Of course he had to dig in there to actually find it!" Frank laughed again.

"At least I have one." Robert replied.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Frank asked.

"It means that..." Robert and Frank were interrupted by Debra.

"Guys...guys! I think something has happened to Marie."

Marie was lying on the floor.

"Oh my! Is she dead?" Amy asked.

"I think she had a heart-attack." Ray added.

"Should we call an ambulance?' Amy asked. The five looked at one another.

"I don't know..." Debra replied.

"Big mouth...sandwich. Big mouth...sandwich." Frank compared.

"I think we'd need a bigger coffin so she could fit in it." Robert said.

"And a bigger coffin means more cash...less from the will." Ray spoke.

"Somebody call a freakin' ambulance! I don't want to make my own sandwiches!" Frank yelled, threw the magazine onto the floor, and ran for the phone.

"Frank, I could always make you dinner." Debra told Frank. Frank then stared at Debra with the phone in his hand.

"Are you kidding me?" Frank replied as he dialed 911. "Yes, hi. We need an ambulance..."

"So, what do we do about Michael?" Ray asked.

"Ray, your mother just had a heart-attack and you're asking me..." Debra stopped. "Let him do it, I think your mother will back away from these situations from now on if she knows what's good for her."

"Trust me, she doesn't." Ray replied.

TO BE CONTINUED...

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_A/N: Good, bad, ugly? It's only the rough draft, I'll rework it, but I just want to get your opinion of the gist of the whole story. More shortly!_


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